So, I placed a photo of myself on my photo journal page and I have to admit that it scares me a little. Once again, I am putting myself out there to be judged. But that’s OK. It, I think, is going to push me to do something in order to change that photograph. I’m going to play my own version of “The Biggest Loser” and see what I can do. I just have to have the motivation to do it.

And that is the hardest part… the motivation. I don’t know why, but ever since my daddy died, I have no motivation to make myself better. Which, you would think, would be the opposite since he died of congestive heart failure (and if I don’t change my ways, I will be going down that same path). But laziness and lack of motivation have stopped me from going to the gym, from eating healthy, from doing all the things that need to be so that I don’t make my way down the same path as my father, what with the heart failure and the diabetes. And I’m close to that. I already have high cholesterol. And I don’t think that I eat that badly. Sadly, I guess that I do.

I didn’t always used to be this way. When I first started going to boot camp, I weight 285. After about a year, I weighted 253. Not much of a difference, but I could feel it. Then Dad died, and so did going to the gym. It’s amazing the impact of losing a loved one has on a person. All of us, my mom, my sister, and I dealt with our grief in so many ways. Mom and I ate (and she drank), my sister drank… the loss was overwhelming. Now, I’m getting back on track to eating right and getting healthy. Mom is having gastric bypass so she can be healthy, and my sister is getting help. All of these things are putting us on the path that we all need to be on, a year and a half later. This turning point is long overdue.

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