I’ve bought myself a food journal. It’s really cool b/c it has cuss words in it. Like it tells me to “Keep F***ing Going.” Who wouldn’t love that? Well, there may be some… but, oh well.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to track my food intake and I can’t help but notice how much CARB LOADED food I eat. Like a LOT of bread. I love bread. But noticing how much of it I eat makes me rethink about why I might be overweight. Too much bread. And fatty foods. And I try not to eat too badly, as we eat veggies and salads on the regular, but add that to fatty, buttery foods, plus bread… that is a recipe for disaster.

I think this all comes down to my mindset. I have a terrible mindset. I eat when I am stressed and when I am bored. I tell myself that it’s just one bowl of sugary cereal, or one slice of bread with butter, or one large muffin, they can’t be THAT bad. I mean, I’m only eating one. I’ll have a healthy dinner, or an apple for lunch… doesn’t matter. And I drink a ton of water, so that’s got to be helping, right? Wrong. I can’t even begin to think about how wrong I have been about eating carbohydrates. And fatty foods. And being in the middle of this COVID -19 crisis, well, it isn’t helping. That’s all there was to store up on was pre-packaged meals, canned veggies, and some meat. It doesn’t help that there are very few fresh veggies or salads to think of (not that I understand that since those all go bad, so why stockpile them?).

I’ve been trying to work out with the Mirror, but again, my mindset gets in the way of even the simplest thing as going into the spare bedroom. Nah, I’ll do it later, or I’m just not up to it right now. Time got away from me and now I don’t have time to do it. All those little excuses that form in my mind that keeps me from doing what I know needs to be done. You’d think, that after all my long years of battling a weight problem, I would have figured this out long ago, but I haven’t. That is part of the battle, isn’t it? The little demon that sits on your shoulder that seems to have taken over and continues to whisper lies and excuses into your head. And fighting that demon takes work and dedication, two things that I sometimes feel like I don’t have b/c it would take too long to get it done. Or make me tired while doing it. And I have enough to be tired about. See? Another excuse.

Although I have said this time and time again in the past, It really is time for me to cowboy up, continue with these self-revelations, and notice how I need to change my mindset about what I am going to do about my weight. It’s a shame I don’t like vegetables.

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